Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Ten Dollar Haircut

Mr. Snark has a mustache and beard. For a few weeks a year following a haircut, the man is stylin'. We're talking Tom Selleck with fuzzier eyebrows--very sexy.

The rest of the time, Mr. Snark works as an extra for the Geico neanderthals.

Sunday rolled around and it was time! Mr. and Mrs. Snark headed out for the big event--the Annual Haircut! After breakfast out, we headed out in the minivan with Miss Bear in the backseat.

Now, our town has any number of hair-cutting places, but there's also an old-fashioned barber shop that still has the red and white pole out front to let people know that they double as a dentist. For the low price of just $24.99 one can have their hair cut and a tooth extracted. 

Let's call this place "Connors" for the sake of discussion.*

At Connors, a normal haircut for men runs about ten bucks. And they only accept cash. It's the cheapest haircut around for miles in every direction. 

I know it's cheap because Mrs. Snark's parents moved to Arkansas a few years ago because California was too expensive. However, Mrs. Snark's father still comes back to Cali to get his hair cut at Connors. 

"You can't get a haircut this cheap in Arkansas," says Grandpa Snark. "Especially when you need dental work too."

Back to our story--

Mr. Snark forgot to stop at an ATM on the way over, so he parked in a spot and turned to Mrs. Snark. "Do you have any cash?"

Mrs. Snark thought about it a second and said. "There's the emergency ten in my glove box."

After she forked over the moola, Mr. Snark frowned. "I still need a tip."

Riiight. Mrs. Snark upended her purse and examined the contents. "I have three dollars, three cents plus this breath mint."

Mrs. Snark brightened. "Oh, and a coupon for two dollars off!"

Mr. Snark accepted the coupon as if it bore cooties. "I don't know if I feel right about using a coupon for a ten dollar haircut."

"Grandpa Snark would."  

Mr. Snark went inside. Mrs. Snark and Miss Bear waited inside the vehicle with the windows up and the doors locked, because Connors is not the sort of environment where one takes an impressionable two-year-old.

Fifteen minutes later, Mr. Snark returned, hair buzzed, looking very dapper once again. He also looked rather worried.

"What's wrong?" Mrs. Snark asked.

"Have they opened a rub-n-tug in the back? Because the girl cutting my hair had on a slutty red top and I could easily imagine the words 'Me love you long time' coming from her mouth."

Mrs. Snark's eyes widened. "My goodness, it's a good thing I didn't give you an extra dollar!"

Mr. Snark forked over a crumpled bit of paper. "She also laughed at my coupon."

*Name has been changed to protect me from a libel lawsuit.


  1. I love this haircut story. Wonderful. Thanks! My DH gets his haircut, for even less, at a little local barber who cuts most all the countrymen's hair in the valley. He has two looks, short and buzzed. We go for the trim, but dignified look as it's two months or more since DH last made it in. Our guy is a great jokester so we also get humor. Lots.

    1. Hi Beth,

      Mr. Snark also goes for the buzzed look.

      Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. :)

  2. Sorry I had to delete my first comment but after reading it over decided that one sentence was rather scrambled which means it was either a pc glitch, or me. I've been sipping sloe gin for this wretched cough so...

    1. No worries, I've got the same wretched cough... Bleh. :)

  3. You seem to get what you pay for, good or bad. People keep seeking out the cheapest, however.

    1. When I was a kid, my mother had a hair styling license so she always cut our hair. After she moved out of state, I stopped cutting it as often because I don't trust anyone so it's gotten down to my mid-back.

      I think it's human nature to try and save money. Mr. Snark and I haven't had any since we had Miss Bear and I left my full time job to be a SAHM. :D

  4. My DH would love the place. I needed the laugh thanks!

    1. The place is always busy. It's very popular.

      Thanks for commenting, Mary. :-)

  5. LOL Love it, Mrs. Snark.

    I think I must be related by marriage to Grandpa Snark. Hubby went so far as to purchase a hair trimming kit so that I could cut his hair instead of him paying some stranger to do it. I really dislike cutting his hair but can't convince him to stop asking. I thought I had him beat when I used his trimmer to clean up the dog's back end after a little incident with the garbage and a can of chilli. Didn't work. But, at least now he can't blame me for giving him sh*ity haircuts. ;-) Thanks for the laugh.

    1. Mac, Grandpa Snark knows how to pinch the pennies. LOL At one point I tried to purchase an electric trimmer but there was general fear that I'd cut someone's ear off, so my haircutting days were short.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. :-)

  6. I'd be willing to pay $20.00 to have someone else cut my husbands hair. I've cut it every two months for the last 32 years. I also cut my own. My excuse is that I don't trust anyone, his is that he's cheap.

    1. Sandra, I'm like you. In the last five years, I've had my hair cut once by someone other than my mother, and that was only because I needed it to look nice for a wedding. It's gotten quite long as a result.

      Thanks for dropping in and reading. :)