Blue has a nice
life. He's got a job in public relations
with a local production studio and a nice social life with some hot reality
stars. But then his father dies and his
sister, Amber, blackmails him into working with her at the Dooley Foundation,
their father's life coaching business.
His social life grinds to a halt.
Now every woman wants him to fix her - and not in bed! Along comes Maddy Polk, up-and-coming reality
show producer, with an idea about a new reality show based on their work at the
Foundation, featuring him as a matchmaker.
Who does Maddy want him to match up?
All his really hot, slightly crazy, reality show ex-girlfriends! Trouble is, it's Maddy who makes Blue hot and
slightly crazy.
Adding Voice and Depth to Your Writing
by Melinda Curtis
There are authors who write beautiful first drafts. I fall more into the crappy first draft
camp. It’s not unusual for me to edit a
page 20 or more times. Why do I
bother? Because I want to bring out my
voice, and tell a story in a way where readers recognize my style and find it
unlike anyone else’s. My goal is to add
my humor, write fresh, establish a world the reader can relate to, and create
characters readers love. The following
shows my most recent before and after.
My hope is that by comparing the two, you’ll see how rich your own
writing can be (maybe in less than 20 edits per page).
Premise of Blue Rules, book 2 in my Hollywood Rules series: Blue is being stalked and harassed by his
crazy ex-girlfriends. If the world
learns that Blue, celebrity relationship counselor, sucks at relationships,
he’ll lose everything. Oh, and as part
of his father’s will, Blue has to take Mr. Jiggles, a teacup poodle, with him
everywhere for a year.
Here’s my crappy first draft.
Blue Rule’s career balanced on the
rim of ruin. His ex-girlfriends had too
much time on their hands and had formed a club.
Their charter? To ruin him.
“This is supposed to be the
happiest day of my life.” Amber, his
half-sister and blushing bride, hooked her hand in the lapel of his tuxedo and
dragged him out of the reception hall.
Mr. Jiggles growled, much as Blue
had growled when he’d picked up his deceased father’s little dog. His exes had dyed the dog pink. It was the last straw. This had to end.
Me again.
Yep, it’s bad and short (my first drafts generally run 200 pages). Not much humor, not much character, not much
setting, not much…me. Here’s how it
reads after many revisions.
In high profile L.A., careers were
made and broken on the fickle stench of publicity.
Blue Rule’s career balanced on the
rim of public ruin, a stinking, fuck-ccident waiting to happen.
Clearly, some of his
yet-to-be-named, celebrity ex-girlfriends had too much time on their
hands. They’d formed a club – the
Playboy Avengers. Their only goal? To ruin him.
“This is supposed to be the
happiest day of my life.” Amber, his
half-sister, the blushing bride, glided toward him at top speed, and hooked her
hand in the lapel of his black tuxedo as she passed.
Caught, Blue rode the crest of her
white train out of the Sunset Ballroom and onto the terra cotta-tiled patio of
the Beverly Hills Hotel.
It was a relief to be out of the
blue sky-themed room where professional athletes, Hollywood moguls, and
buzz-seeking celebrities were packed tighter than condoms in a frat boy’s
wallet. It was not a relief to be publicly towed along like Hemingway’s ill-fated
marlin.
Mr. Jiggles, a hot pink teacup
poodle with the attitude of a pitbull, agreed with him. Tucked in the crook of Blue’s arm, the dog
growled, much as Blue had growled when he’d picked up his tiny charge and
discovered the Avengers had struck again.
Only this time they’d picked on his deceased father’s defenseless little
dog. Not only had they dyed the poodle
pink, they’d painted Mr. Jiggles’ nails to match!
With each Avenger prank Blue
fought gut-plunging helplessness. With
each Avenger prank his reputation teetered on the precipice of a publicly
humiliating, income-ending abyss. But
the dog was the last straw. This had to
end.
Me again. Hopefully, you’ll
agree that the second version is better, richer, more interesting. My one watch-out to writers as you try to add
voice and depth to your pages is not to get in the way of the story. Voice and richness make for great reading,
unless the story goes nowhere. Happy
writing!
Please feel free to ask
questions about bringing out your voice.
BLUES RULES excerpt:
“I don’t know how you came to these…these
erroneous conclusions about my brother, but you’re wrong.” Amber’s words fell
weakly between them.
Sensing she was near victory, Maddy pressed
on. “The Avengers launched the retail portion of their web site last week.
Selling Avenger T-shirts and logo thongs means they’re in it for the long haul.
There’ll be no escaping the gossip and subsequent damage to the Dooley
Foundation if you don’t sever this at the jugular.” At Amber’s perplexed look, Maddy
shrugged. “Another of Poppa Bert’s pearls.
It means you need my form of damage control.”
“Hello, ladies.” A deep voice. From behind
her. And then a tall man with the grace of a dancer and the swagger of a model
settled in the chair next to hers, unsettling Maddy’s pulse.
She’d never seen photos of Blue Rule in
khaki shorts and a dark polo. He wore tuxes. He wore suits. He wore body
hugging button downs. Regardless, he still didn’t manage to look like the guy
next door.
Pitch anxiety returned, prickling her skin
with nervous heat.
Blue Rule had the kind of looks that most
women only saw on television and in fashion magazines – a long lean body, short
crisp black hair that was never unruly, lips that quirked knowingly and dark
eyes that seemed to penetrate your very soul with the promise of bone melting,
I-just-met-you sex. Maddy imagined him reclining on a penthouse suite bed, the
camera panning up his body, across all those very hard body parts, until it
reached that smile.
Did her mental camera have to shoot porn
now? In the middle of a pitch meeting?
“I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Blue Rule.” He
extended his hand. If Blue’s appearance inspired I’ll-do-whatever-you-want
bedroom fantasies, his voice did not. Cool. Confident. Controlling.
To her credit, Maddy didn’t miss a beat as
she introduced herself, thrusting her clammy hand toward him and shaking his
hard, because there was only one reason for Amber to bring Blue into this – to
confirm Maddy was not one of his ex-girlfriends.
Blue’s smile broadened like a hunter who had
a deer in his sights.
And Maddy, who had always fled the mighty
male hunters that prowled L.A., felt her anger rise like the fire that swept
through Bambi’s forest, burning her anxiety to ashes. News flash: her kick-ass
idea had legs that made these two Rules nervous. “Now that we’ve confirmed I’m
not one of Blue’s Avengers, can we continue?”
Buy Links:
Author
bio:
Melinda grew up on an isolated,
California sheep ranch, where sightings of passing mountain lions had been
recorded and yet she was allowed to roam the 50-acres un-accompanied as soon as
she could walk. Being a brave and rather optimistic - clueless of the danger -
sort, she took to playing "what if" games. What if the mountain lion
comes by while I'm picking up firewood at the edge of the forest? What if my
plastic boat sinks in the sheep pond? What if it never stops raining and the
road gets so muddy we're trapped? It led to her fascination with creating
stories where she could answer the "what ifs".
Melinda spends days chained to her
desk trying to figure out new ways to say "He made her heart pound."
That might sound relatively boring, but the mental challenge keeps her on top
of her game so her three kids and college sweetheart husband don't often get
the best of her.
Author Links:
Website
Melinda Curtis is offering an ebook copy of BLUES RULES to one randomly drawn commenter, so please leave a comment for a chance to win!
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