A book review for all time travelers... #amwriting #humor @melissasnark

Patrick Rothfuss has the following to say about Goodreads reviews for the Doors of Stone (The Kingkiller Chronicle, #3), which has yet to be published.

While it's nice to see folks out there giving this book five stars, and in some cases even reviewing it, I'll admit that I'm kinda puzzled.

After thinking it over for a while, I've realized there's only one explanation for this:

Time travelers love my books.

I would also like to say, future readers, that I appreciate your taking time to read and review my books. It's really flattering knowing that even with time-travel technology at your disposal, you'd rather read my stuff and mention it here on goodreads, rather than, say, hunt dinosaurs, get drunk with da Vinci, or pants Hitler. 

He wonders if future readers can give him a hand...

Lastly, if any of you happen to have a digital copy of the book you'd like to e-mail me, I'd really appreciate it. I'd love to see the five-star version of the book, because right now, the one I'm toiling away at is about a three an a half-in my opinion. It would save me a lot of work if I could just skip to the end and publish it.

Sincerely yours,

pat

Read the entire review on Goodreads.

BLOCKED!: Writer’s Block or Conflict Resolution by Kayden Claremont, author of Heaven and Hell Series

Have you ever experienced writer’s block? I have and I hate it, however I have decided I am in control. Yes, I can control writer’s block. Now I know you don’t believe me but here’s my secret.

Conflict resolution.

I know you think I’m joking but I’m not. Conflict resolution works for me. I get a cup of tea and sit down with the characters.

Me: “Why are you not talking to me?”

Character 1: “You’re a bully.”

Me: “I just need you to do this to move the story along.”

Character 1: “Well, I would never do that. I would to do this instead.”

Me: “If you do that then the crisis won’t work.”

Character 1. “So all I am to you is crisis.”

I rub my temples and count to ten before I answer. “No but you know we have to get the crisis right in order for you to have a happy ending.”

Character 2: “What about me? You always worry about her happiness but what about me?”

Me: “I want you both to have a happy ending.”

Character 1: “But I don’t want to do that. It’s wrong. It’s just not me.”

Character 2: “Why does it always have to be about you? I’m in this story too.”

Character 1: “It’s not always about you either.”

I don my referee shirt: “It’s about both of you. We have to work together to get this resolved so both of you can have a happy ending.”

Character 1: “You really want us to have a happy ending?”

I nod: “Of course. You are the main characters in a romantic story. That’s what the reader expects and that’s what we have to deliver by working together.”

Character 1: “But I still don’t feel that what you want me to do is right for me.”

Character 2: “Would it hurt you to just try it her way. She has created us and she hasn’t been wrong so for.”

Character 1: “You always side with her.”

Rolling my eyes I say, “It’s not about me. It’s about setting up the crisis so you and the reader have a happy ending.”

Character 2 smiles that sexy smile of his and I know I have one character on my side: “Let’s go back a few pages and see if we can’t do it differently to set up the crisis?”

Character 1: “I don’t know.”

Character 2” “Let’s give it a try. If it doesn’t work, we can try something else.”

Character 1: “OK. Let’s go back three pages and pick it up from where I walk out of the room. If I stay we can spend more time together.”

She takes his hand and leads him back three pages. I follow behind them hitting the delete key.

I sip my tea, and smile knowing we’ve resolved another character conflict, moved the story along and solve my writer’s block. 

Title: Hell’s Bounty

Series Name: Heaven & Hell Series

Publisher: The Wild Rose Press

Editor: Angela Anderson

Cover Art: Angela Anderson

Theme(s): Demons, Angels, Shapeshifters

SubGenre(s): Paranormal / Urban Fantasy / Erotica

Rating: Hot

Digital Price: $2.99

Digital ISBN: ISBN(s): 978-1-62830-506-7 Digital

COPYRIGHT©2014 by Kayden Claremont

Raven Hart, a succubus bounty hunter for Hell, is on a hunt. With her query in sight, she hits a brick wall, or rather the very hard chest of a giant sexy man. She might have lost the prize for now, but she's a winner when the hottie wants to get physical.

Marcus Dionysius, a Nephilim working for Heaven, has one mission—to prevent Hell’s beauty from stealing souls meant for the higher plane. But he soon realizes he’s met his sexual match. She’s naughty enough to tempt his senses, but her innocence means he can’t walk away when she needs him most.

Working together to discover who’s snatching souls from Heaven, they realize the true danger is falling in love.

Excerpt:

“So all of this, you becoming my partner, was just a ploy to kill me?”

“Stop you.”

She looked him in the eyes. “You just said you were sent to take me out. We both know that means to kill me. So why are you lying now?”

Marcus stood and then sat down on the bed beside her. The instant he took a breath, her luscious scent fill him, aroused him.  If he wasn’t careful, he could easily succumb to her allure and not get the job done. He’d never experienced such lust before and needed to feel her pussy squeezing around his cock.  He wanted to press her down against the bed, strip her, and fuck her. Hard. “Look, I’m not lying. I don’t believe for one minute that you knew the captain was setting you up. But I still have a job to do. Help me prove you’re innocence.”

She took a deep breath and her breasts quivered. Her hard nipples budded against her blouse, as if inviting him to claim them.  She shook her head. “I don’t know.” Her voice cracked. “You don’t know who gave the orders or you don’t know how to help me?” She looked up at him, her eyes filled with doubt and terror.

Marcus placed his hand on her shoulder and was surprised when she leaned into him. “Both.” she whispered, as if afraid of the answer.

Author Information:

Kayden Claremont loves sexy, well-crafted stories of lust and love.  Her sensuous style drives the characters in lustful romps.

Hell’s Bounty is her first publication with The Wild Rose Press.

She is a member of Romance Writers of America, Toronto Romance Writers; Kiss of Death Chapter, Fantasy, Futuristic and Paranormal Chapter.

When she’s not at her day job she’s crafting more tales of love and crime or spending time with her husband and children.

She lives outside of Toronto, Ontario, Canada with her husband.

Visit her at:kaydenclaremont@bell.net

https://www.facebook.com/kayden.claremont

http://kaydenclaremont.wordpress.com/

https://twitter.com/KaydenClaremont

 

5 Werewolf Clichés For Readers and Writers by Melissa Snark

I'm guest blogging on Sheryl R. Hayes site today as part of my A CAT'S TALE tour.

5 Werewolf Clichés For Readers and Writers by Melissa Snark

It seems inevitable that every author of paranormal fiction encounters certain subgenre stereotypes/tropes during their journey to craft an interesting tale. As an author of werewolf fantasy stories, I’m particularly familiar with those that pertain to wolf shifters and lycanthropes. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Book title contains the words “Wolf”, “Alpha” or “Moon”. Yes, these words are inexorably linked in the public mind with werewolves so the use of these terms triggers immediate associations.  Must authors bow before this stereotype? I guess it depends, especially on whether you can get your book to market fast enough to snatch up one of the few moon titles left that haven’t been wretchedly overused.

Read the rest here.

Too Much Information

 TMI: Too Much Information. The common colloquial usage implies that the sharer has imparted personal details that are simply too personal or maybe too gross for anyone to really want or need to know.

I love the way XKCD has found a secondary implicit meaning: there is simply too much information. Period. As in WAY TOO MUCH, regardless of quality and source.

On any given day, the Internet challenges my reality filters. There are too many competing input streams: email, social media, websites, blogs, etc. I want to take it all in. I strive to do so, but the sheer magnitude of the data load overwhelms me and I wind up staring at pictures of cute cats instead.

Sometimes, on really bad days, I fight the coma of ennui by clutching a cute cat to my bosom, absorbing the hypnotic rumbling purr. (I used to hug Miss Bear but now she squirms away.)

I find this relaxing too:

We Can’t All Be Bestsellers – Dammit! by Deborah Camp || THROUGH HIS EYES

Genre: Romantic Suspense
Date of Publication:  April 4, 2014

Number of pages: 392

Word Count: 100,000

Cover Artist: Patricia Schmitt

Two psychics – one serial killer.

Someone is stalking women and murdering them in Key West.

Levi Wolfe and Trudy Tucker join forces to help identify the murderer and stop him. Levi can channel the deceased victims and Trudy can tap into the mind of the killer. As a psychic detective team, they’re formidable. As lovers, they discover that they’re insatiable.

But if Trudy can see through the killer’s eyes, can the killer see her?

Buy Link:  Amazon

We Can’t All Be Bestsellers – Dammit! by Deborah Camp

Hi, ya’ll! Thanks for letting me blog with you. It’s always a pleasure to share some random thoughts with fellow readers and/or writers.

I extend this contribution with my tongue tucked firmly into my cheek . . . sort of.

One of my books was recently offered as a Deal of the Day by Amazon and the cheaper price moved that sucker right up to Number One! It was a first for me. While it seems that every author I meet or greet has made numerous bestseller lists numerous times, I can’t claim that distinction. Until now. At long last, I can say that I’m an Amazon bestselling author. Whoa, what a relief it is!

Selling boatloads of books seems effortless for so many authors. They’re also the ones who receive 5 star reviews from every dang reviewer on the planet! How the heck do they do it? I ask myself over and over again. I read their books as I would a textbook – dissecting, delving, diagraming. What can I do that they do so that my next book will get some attention – some glowing reviews, some notch on the bestseller lists? Well, Amazon gave me one answer – sell my books for less than a dollar. But I’m not too crazy about that answer – especially since that isn’t how those other authors got great reviews and greater sales.

To console myself (and to stop myself from throwing a pity party), I chant, “We can’t all be bestsellers – someone has to bring up the rear.” So, that’s my contribution to this book business and I hope all you bestselling authors appreciate my sacrifice to you! I bring up the rear. My books sell okay and garner okay reviews so that you and yours can shine brightly, be bestowed with stars and “Reviewer’s Choice” designations, and achieve Bestseller status.

You’re welcome. Dammit.

THROUGH HIS EYES Book Trailer

New Release: LUST by Melissa Snark

Genre: BDSM/Erotic Contemporary Canadian International Western Historical Paranormal Romantic Suspense

Publisher: Lusty Luscious Press

Cover Design: Melissa Snark

A creepy handsome jerk stalks a bitchy spoiled princess...but their mutual love of bacon rules their hearts.

Worlds collide when an Elbonian princess and a Canadian stuffy bastard collide in an explosive collision that causes extensive vehicular damage that may result in both of them seeing the town's only chiropractor. 

Sapphire Felicitie Valentine escorts her precocious ten-year-old niece to Heart's Delight, Canada. After her biplane impacts Xander Emerentius de Smytheford's Porsche, she becomes an unwelcome guest on his British Columbian pineapple plantation.

His pants are packed.

Her bosom heaves.

LUST is the story of an unwanted and inconvenient lice affliction that drives  Xander Emerentius de Smytheford and Sapphire Felicitie Valentine into each other’s arms.

* * * * * 

"Is this a joke?" ~Romance Author Lisa Rayns

"I don't get it. Why is there a pineapple?"  ~Mr. John C. Snark

"That pineapple cover rocks!" ~Author Michelle Devon

"I don't even want to think about how they're using the pineapple."

 ~Author Sheryl Hayes 

Inspirational LUST Video Trailer:

Excerpt:  

Xander Emerentius de Smytheford located his guests in the library, murdering Mrs. White with a wrench while Sapphire Felicitie Valentine played the harpsichord.

"Sapphire," he entreated, touching her elbow, "May I have a moment of your time? I want to talk about hockey."

Sapphire despised Xander with a fiery passion but she went with him anyway because she found the sight of blood on the hunter green carpet to be terribly annoying.

"Yes?" Sapphire clipped the word off at a 'e' so she actually said "Yee". She crossed her arms to act as a barrier between herself and the brooding hunk of icy Canadian love who positively oozed sex, sex and more sex.

Xander scratched at the uncomfortable itch on his scalp. "I believe you owe me an apology. During our passionate but completely undesired kiss in the garden last night, you seem to have given me cooties."

Sapphire gasped in shock and then drew back her hand to deliver a stinging slap to Xander's cheek. "You bastard!"

"Brat!"

"Jerk!"

"Spoiled Ice Princess!  Eh."

"I hate you!!!!!!!!" 

"You, madam, are a hoser!"

Bosoms heaving, the pair of star-crossed lovers glared at one another across a small vast divide. Simultaneously, they threw their arms about each other and engaged in a passionate kiss with much slurping and lip-smacking. The sounds were quite gross and they both itched up a storm, but they ignored their respective discomfort and clung with an infinite passion not to be denied, not even for lice.

A Picture of a Banana:

Because I really like fruit

LUST is available on Amazon Kindle
 

Author Bio:
Mrs. Snark is an irreverent satirist, a kid wrangler and a cat herder. In her free time, she hits on Mr. Snark and loves to play ping pong.

Who is Mary Sue? by Sheryl R. Hayes

Lt. Mary Sue ran the ship, and ran it so well she received the Nobel Peace Prize, the Vulcan Order of Gallantry and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood."                                 — Excerpt from A Trekkie's Tale by Paula Smith. 

She is the woman with the jewel colored eyes, the model-level good-looks, the black belt in three different kinds of martial arts, and the intelligence to solve Hilbert's Sixteenth Problem in her spare time.   Every man she comes across falls in love with her.  Every woman sees her as their best friend, even her worst enemy.  Who is she?  Why Mary Sue of course.

“Mary Sue” is a term that originated in fan fiction  circles and has spread to canon works.  She is usually female, although her male counterpart Gary Stu or Marty Stu can be spotted on occasion.  What is the difference between her and a strong female character that you just created?

It all comes down to two words.  Believable flaws.  Mary Sue is perfect in all ways.  She is breathtakingly beautiful with her exotic eye/hair/skin color.  She is intelligent enough to have a college degree with honors at a younger than average age.  She has incredible physical prowess without the need for practice.  If she does have a flaw, be it physical or mental, it only serves to enhance her perfection and does not detract from her in any way.  If she is in the military and happens to snark (sorry Melissa) off to a commanding officer, not only did their CO deserve it, she is more likely to be promoted because of her insubordination instead of spending time in the brig.  Not only is the captain of the starship she serves on in love with her, but the first officer, the chief medical officer, and several random ensigns of any gender.  She may or may not reciprocate these feelings and worry about hurting the other people who have fallen for her charms, but only gets to express her emotions before dying tragically to save them from whatever crisis was about to cause their imminent doom.

How do you figure out if you are writing a Mary Sue? A good place to start is the The Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test.  I don’t agree with all the questions necessarily being indicative of a Mary Sue since they have an all-or-nothing approach.  If a question makes you stop and think, that’s a sign that you need to consider that aspect of your character a little more closely.  Also, keep in mind that one person’s Mary Sue is another person’s strong female character.  If you hear your character is a Mary Sue from more than one person giving you feedback, then it is time to make some changes.

What can you do make sure your character is not a Mary Sue?  Add a few flaws that hinder instead of help.  Let her struggle and fail a time or two before attaining her goal or even better, fail to reach her goal just because she is supposed to.  Not only will you be avoiding writing a character that is too perfect, you will be adding several plot points that can add a richness and reality to your story.

Author Bio:

Sheryl Hayes lives in the heart of Silicon Valley, Ca, where she cares for her mother.  Her cat graciously shares the house with the two of them.  She currently works full time at a private utility company.  When she is not writing her first novel, she is knitting, plotting what costume she’s wearing to the next convention she’s attending, playing World of Darkness, or reading.

You can reach her at sherylrhayes@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter.