Monday, March 31, 2014

New Release: LUST by Melissa Snark

Genre: BDSM/Erotic Contemporary Canadian International Western Historical Paranormal Romantic Suspense

Publisher: Lusty Luscious Press

Cover Design: Melissa Snark

A creepy handsome jerk stalks a bitchy spoiled princess...but their mutual love of bacon rules their hearts.

Worlds collide when an Elbonian princess and a Canadian stuffy bastard collide in an explosive collision that causes extensive vehicular damage that may result in both of them seeing the town's only chiropractor. 

Sapphire Felicitie Valentine escorts her precocious ten-year-old niece to Heart's Delight, Canada. After her biplane impacts Xander Emerentius de Smytheford's Porsche, she becomes an unwelcome guest on his British Columbian pineapple plantation.

His pants are packed.

Her bosom heaves.

LUST is the story of an unwanted and inconvenient lice affliction that drives  Xander Emerentius de Smytheford and Sapphire Felicitie Valentine into each other’s arms.

* * * * * 
"Is this a joke?" ~Romance Author Lisa Rayns

"I don't get it. Why is there a pineapple?"  ~Mr. John C. Snark

"That pineapple cover rocks!" ~Author Michelle Devon

"I don't even want to think about how they're using the pineapple."
 ~Author Sheryl Hayes 

Inspirational LUST Video Trailer:


Xander Emerentius de Smytheford located his guests in the library, murdering Mrs. White with a wrench while Sapphire Felicitie Valentine played the harpsichord.
"Sapphire," he entreated, touching her elbow, "May I have a moment of your time? I want to talk about hockey."
Sapphire despised Xander with a fiery passion but she went with him anyway because she found the sight of blood on the hunter green carpet to be terribly annoying.
"Yes?" Sapphire clipped the word off at a 'e' so she actually said "Yee". She crossed her arms to act as a barrier between herself and the brooding hunk of icy Canadian love who positively oozed sex, sex and more sex.
Xander scratched at the uncomfortable itch on his scalp. "I believe you owe me an apology. During our passionate but completely undesired kiss in the garden last night, you seem to have given me cooties."
Sapphire gasped in shock and then drew back her hand to deliver a stinging slap to Xander's cheek. "You bastard!"
"Spoiled Ice Princess!  Eh."
"I hate you!!!!!!!!" 
"You, madam, are a hoser!"
Bosoms heaving, the pair of star-crossed lovers glared at one another across a small vast divide. Simultaneously, they threw their arms about each other and engaged in a passionate kiss with much slurping and lip-smacking. The sounds were quite gross and they both itched up a storm, but they ignored their respective discomfort and clung with an infinite passion not to be denied, not even for lice.

A Picture of a Banana:

Because I really like fruit

LUST is available on Amazon Kindle

Author Bio:
Mrs. Snark is an irreverent satirist, a kid wrangler and a cat herder. In her free time, she hits on Mr. Snark and loves to play ping pong.


  1. LMAO!!! I especially love your endorsement quotes! (*wipes tears from eyes*) Thank you! I needed that laugh. Best April Fools post EVER!!

  2. ROFLMAO! omg, that blurb... my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Sorry, but I had to share in Everything Book Covers group. Loved it! Happy April Fool's day! :)

    1. Farah,
      Thanks for sharing it. I realize you can't help but be jealous of my brilliant cover so that's a sign that you're handling envy with aplomb. ;-)

  3. A picture of a banana.... because I really like fruit. PRICELESS!

    1. I have a thing for fruit. I think it's sexy. LOL

  4. You had me at bacon. Great post. Happy April Fools.

  5. You crack me up Missy! That's why we wanted you so badly for the AR&T you my friend, are a riot! I have a sudden taste for Pineapple from the plantation. And maybe some bacon and a banana too?

    1. Thanks Mary. I love being a part of AR&T. Brilliant bunch of ladies. :-)

      I keep thinking pineapple and bacon banana split sundae. LOL

  6. Love it! Just what I needed today. Thanks!!!

  7. Wait…did you say bacon?
    Love it!

    1. Thanks, Maureen! I'm glad you enjoyed the post! :)

  8. Thanks for the laugh!! You are too funny.

  9. OMG -- hysterical. The real April Fool's joke, though, may be that people are going to want to read this book. You just might have to write it.

    1. Laura,
      Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. *G*

      I try to imagine actually writing it...maybe. Just maybe. ;-)