Thursday, January 24, 2013

Thank You, Darth Snark

Yesterday, in Gee, I Could Have Told Them That I talked about how our frugal healthcare company went to great pains to save us time and money by subjecting Mr. Snark to a rigorous approval gauntlet and a sleep study that cost three thousand dollars.

We went through all of that to obtain a machine that costs $1,000.00. We know this because we have a 20% copay on durable medical equipment, and we know our copay amount. Mr. Snark is a math guy, so I'm pretty sure he did the calculation correctly.

"Basically, they could have a fraud rate of 2-to-1 and still break even if they just omitted the sleep study," Mr. Snark said.

"Who the hell commits fraud to obtain a breathing machine?" Mrs. Snark asked. "I've never seen a guy on a street corner hawking hot sleep apnea machines."

Two nights ago, Mr. Snark reported home toting a black briefcase that contained the Holy Grail--the breathing machine! 

"The machine is rent-to-own," Mr. Snark said. "Our frugal health insurance company wants to be sure that we're using it, so the device transmits its use statics across a wireless network."

Mrs. Snark's brow knit. "So, they're paying a technician somewhere to monitor the data?"


"What's the minimum use requirement?" Mrs. Snark asked.

"Four hours a night, and 23 days out of 90."

Mrs. Snark got out a calculator and did the math. "That's less than 25% utilization rate."


"What happens if it fails to connect to the network?"

Mr. Snark shrugged. Maybe they employ a repo company to bust our knees and take it back? Who knows...

At bedtime, Mr. Snark placed a mask over his nose that attached to the back of his skull with two straps. The mask looks something like this.

Mrs. Snark almost died laughing. It was some time before she could speak again. "Very sheik. Does it come with a ball gag?"

In use, the device produces a respirator sound reminiscent of Darth Vader. It is not very loud and it is repetitive, so Mrs. Snark has not really had any difficulty getting used to it.

However, it has been two nights since Mr. Snark snored and Mrs. Snark slept.

The quiet is deafening.


  1. I guess it's a case of be careful what you wish for, huh? LOL!

  2. I told you the quiet would be too much for you.

    1. It was, but I'm starting to get used to it! Thanks for reading and commenting. :-)

  3. Get a cd that plays music, ocean sounds, etc. It'll help you sleep, too, but more peacefully.

    Thanks for sharing this humourous experience so we know what it's like. I work in my basement and know exactly when my husband is sound asleep.

    Thanks for writing and reading,

    Sarah Butland
    author of Arm Farm, Sending You Sammy and Brain Tales - Volume One

    1. Thanks, Sarah. And yes, it was the same with Mr. Snark! I could feel his snores through the second story floor/ceiling when I was in the room below! :-)