I Measured, He Said

Now, to hear me tell it, you might be thinking that Mr. Snark is some sort of All American Handyman, like those guys on HGTV.  Well… you'd be wrong.

"You're more like a cross between Tim Allen and Mr. Magoo," Mrs. Snark said as Mr. Snark examined the dead electric stove top that needed to be replaced.

Mr. Snark frowned. "Mr. Magoo isn't fair. I see just fine."

"Yes, dear. You just can't perceive thanks to your severe MPB."

"Tim Allen, maybe," Mr. Snark grumbled.

"Be sure to measure. I don't want to buy a stove top that doesn't fit."

Mr. Snark released a Tool Time hoot and whipped out his measuring tape. (Get your mind out of the gutter!)

The Snarks went appliance shopping with Miss Bear in tow. Three stores and one sticky blue sucker later, the Snarks wound up at Best Buy. There they located the coveted cook top and placed an order.

"Are you sure it'll fit?" Mrs. Snark asked with a worried frown. "When my parents replaced that stove top fifteen years ago, the new appliance didn't fit so they had to cut the tile. It was a huge hassle."

"It'll fit," Mr. Snark said, coolly confident.

"You measured?"

"I measured twice. I'll do the install. I just need to disconnect the old one and it lifts right out. The new one will drop right in."

Fast forward a week… 

The Best Buy guys dropped off the new boxed cook top and removed the old one free of charge, leaving a huge hole in the island.

Mr. Snark arrived home from work, examined the hole, eyeballed the cook top, and said, "It won't fit. I'll have to cut the tile."

Within the Mrs. Snark brain, the internal pressure gauge crept toward critical but she managed to maintain her outward calm. "I thought you said you measured."

"I did measure."

"It's Tuesday," Mrs. Snark observed. "This sounds like a weekend project. How long will it take?"

"Not long," Mr. Snark said. "Maybe an hour."

"Uh-huh."

To Be Continued…

***

Sorry for the downtime this weekend. I got snowed under during stove top installation and preparation for the 2013 ABNA contest.