Every time I hear about some politician trying to ban same sex marriage, it pisses me off. Marriage is tough enough without some jerk trying to legislate a sex ban. Don't we married types already suffer enough?
Admittedly, ALL marriage sex is basically the same, but it doesn't have to be that way. It's on married couples to mix it up and keep things exciting. With that goal in mind, I've tried a few different tactics for hot monkey lovin' with Mr. Snark.
Here's a few highlights:
Now, I'm not a sexy bra kind of lady. Most of the time, I prefer sports bras. I'd really prefer to let the ladies bounce free, but I have normal mid-life concerns about saggage, so athletic bras are the ideal compromise. Nowadays I only wear fancy underwear when I'm gonna be seen by someone who matters (my child's teacher or the checkout lady at Safeway).
When we first married and I hoped to get lucky, I used to trot out the Victoria's Secret bras and undies for the mister. That was before I realized that Mr. Snark is really a Caucasian version of Sir Mix-a-Lot. He likes big butts and he cannot lie.
There's really no need for a pushup bra when a pair spandex boy shorts will suffice. I simply manufacture some reason to bend over within Mr. Snark's line of sight, shake my booty, and we're good to go.
Every couple should have a love song to call their own, which when played acts as a primal hominid mating call. For Mr. and Mrs. Snark it's Business Time by Flight of the Conchords.
All Mrs. Snark has to do it put on her old team-building shirt and mention recycling, and Mr. Snark knows it's time to do the horizontal bop.
Whips, Cuffs & Spurs.
[This section removed by Mr. Snark.]