Friday, January 25, 2013

Sex. It Doesn't Always Have to be the Same



Every time I hear about some politician trying to ban same sex marriage, it pisses me off.  Marriage is tough enough without some jerk trying to legislate a sex ban. Don't we married types already suffer enough?

Admittedly, ALL marriage sex is basically the same, but it doesn't have to be that way. It's on married couples to mix it up and keep things exciting. With that goal in mind, I've tried a few different tactics for hot monkey lovin' with Mr. Snark.

Here's a few highlights:
Lingerie. 
Now, I'm not a sexy bra kind of lady. Most of the time, I prefer sports bras. I'd really prefer to let the ladies bounce free, but I have normal mid-life concerns about saggage, so athletic bras are the ideal compromise. Nowadays I only wear fancy underwear when I'm gonna be seen by someone who matters (my child's teacher or the checkout lady at Safeway).
When we first married and I hoped to get lucky, I used to trot out the Victoria's Secret bras and undies for the mister. That was before I realized that Mr. Snark is really a Caucasian version of Sir Mix-a-Lot. He likes big butts and he cannot lie.
There's really no need for a pushup bra when a pair spandex boy shorts will suffice. I simply manufacture some reason to bend over within Mr. Snark's line of sight, shake my booty, and we're good to go.
Our song.
Every couple should have a love song to call their own, which when played acts as a primal hominid mating call. For Mr. and Mrs. Snark it's Business Time by Flight of the Conchords. 



All Mrs. Snark has to do it put on her old team-building shirt and mention recycling, and Mr. Snark knows it's time to do the horizontal bop.
Whips, Cuffs & Spurs.
[This section removed by Mr. Snark.]

10 comments:

  1. LOL. As a married woman, I enjoyed your viewpoint. My Mr. likes perfume. A little spritz in a personal section of skin and bingo.

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    1. Ooh, sexy bingo, eh? That's unique. ;-)

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  2. ROFLMAO! We have two days of the week that work for my Mr. Wednesday and Sunday mornings. His days off. Yep, they last for about 2 to 3 minutes! Hahahahaha! It's all according to his schedule. Nothing sexy works any other time of the week. It's like all automatic. Sad, when I think about it. LOL!

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    1. Lisa, sadly that seems to be a universal aspect of married life. :-D
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. OMG! I have to show that clip to my husband. But like Lisa said...I better wait until Sunday morning. You are too funny Miss Snark.

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    1. Charlotte,
      Thank you and I hope your hubby enjoyed the clip. :-)

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  4. hahaha! For some reason the clip isn't showing up, but this is still so funny.

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    1. Lola, if you like, email me and I'll send you another link to the same song. Melissasnark at gmail dot com
      Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  5. As a married woman of almost forty years, I have to say, it's fun to try something new once in a while. But there's always the tried and true.

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    Replies
    1. Ilona,
      Exactly, and everyone's tried and true is a little bit different. LOL

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