Mr. Snark snores.
Now, we're not talking the occasional snarf-snort. The man produces a sound similar
to a freight train lumbering along with a hundred cars in tow.
Over the years,
Mrs. Snark has resorted to sleeping with her head sandwiched between two
pillows, preferring suffocation to another sleepless night. She has used tooth
picks to prop open her eyelids and actively contemplated homicide. In prison,
there would be plenty of time to sleep.
About six months ago, Mrs. Snark made Mr. Snark an
appointment with their primary care physician. "Tell him you have sleep
apnea," she said. "You need one of those breathing machines."
Dutifully, Mr. Snark went off with his instructions and
returned with a referral to a sleep specialist. Another appointment was made
and the Snarks waited a month. On the day of the big appointment, Mrs. Snark
said, "Tell him you have sleep apnea," she said. "You need one
of those breathing machines."
Off Mr. Snark went and returned saying, "The doctor
ordered a sleep study. But first we have to obtain permission from the
insurance company."
Riiight. And so the Snarks waited again. Finally, the
insurance company green lighted the sleep study and then the Snarks waited some
more. At long last, the sleep study center called to schedule an appointment.
The evening of the big event arrived and Mr. Snark kissed
his wife and baby girl goodbye as he traveled far to sleep in some strange bed.
"Tell them you have sleep apnea," Mrs. Snark said. "You need one
of those breathing machines."
Bleary-eyed, Mr. Snark returned the next morning. "They
poured goo in my hair and attached electrodes to my head."
Thanks to holiday madness and a busy time at work, Mr. Snark
missed his first follow up appointment with the sleep study doctor. A second
appointment was scheduled and kept.
"Well?" Mrs. Snark said when he returned.
"He says that I have sleep apnea. I need one of those
breathing machines."
Mrs. Snark's hand performed a face plant.
Mr. Snark continued: "We just have to wait for
permission from the insurance company."
TBC
When he gets on the machine, you'll probably have to get used to sleeping in the quiet.
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