Wednesday, April 3, 2013

"Your Honor, that's when I killed her."

My habit of baiting my husband goes back to the very beginning of our relationship. I've never before met a man who is A) so literal and B) takes himself so seriously.

He's practically begging for it.

Mr. Snark is a few years older than Mrs. Snark so he's an authority on pop culture. Mrs. Snark don't know nuthin'.

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is very obviously a drug song," Mr. Snark said. 

"Don't be ridiculous. The Beatles didn't sing about drugs."

One eyeball turned toward Mrs. Snark and glared. "LSD.  Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. The initials stand for LSD." DUH

 Mrs. Snark snorted. "Everyone knows the song is about an Australopithecus fossil they found in Ethiopia."

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?"


"I think it's a shame they didn't have the budget necessary to colorize the opening of the Wizard of Oz," Mrs. Snark said.

"That was a stylistic choice! It was done on purpose."

"Don't be silly, dear."

Mr. Snark spent the next twenty minutes trying to convince his wife that the opening black-n-white sequence had been done with intent. Eventually, however, his eyes narrowed and he said, 

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

Of course, there are times when Mrs. Snark doesn't even have to work for it.

"Dear, will you grab my wine glass? It's over by my computer."

A second later, Mr. Snark returns clutching Miss Bear's tippee cup full of milk.

"Why did you bring me milk?" Mrs. Snark asks. "I don't drink milk."

As Mr. Snark flushes red, Miss Bear rushes over with her hand out. "My baba, Dada."  DUH

"Dada is going senile, Miss Bear.  And yes, Mr. Snark, I'm fucking with you."


  1. Too funny! My husband and I like to tease each other too! I love how you presented it!

    1. Sarah, It's what keeps marriage interesting. (Wait, I'm quoting Sandra, but she's right!)
      Thanks for commenting. :)

  2. It's what makes marriage interesting :)

  3. Love it! Single mom here, so I have to mess with my girls instead. Unfortunately, I think I'm teaching them a little too well. They're learning to dish as well as they get. No, not teaching them too well, I'll be having a lot of fun RFLMAO as they torment any man that eventually comes into their lives. :-)

    1. Laura,
      I mess with my boys also but they're far less appealing targets. They're young enough (and unwitting) that they often don't question what I tell them. So unless I'm trying to bait Mr. Snark by feeding the boys false info, I keep on the kid gloves with them. :)

  4. My husband would always mess with our three daughters - he'd do it without even thinking about it.
    One day at dinner, he was trying to explain something serious to them. I can't remember what the topic was but it was something obscure, and so they kept looking to me to see if he was telling the truth. He got offended and started getting upset they didn't believe him. DUH!! We had to explain that he had set himself up on this course of disbelief.

    1. Charlotte,
      Yes, that's happened to me also. It taught me that I need to be careful about what I tell them. *G*

  5. What my husband does well is record, in his big brain, every trivia factoid imaginable. He is a living, breathing encyclopedia of mostly historical, political junk. When I can best him with a fact, I carry the glory for days. And yes, I set him up all the time. If he isn't talking at a social gathering, I'll ask a pithy question and he'll be off! Easy-peasy way to fill a conversational void.

    1. Rolynn,
      Mr. Snark is also an authority on obscure information, though much of it is math/science/computers. I try not to get him going on politics in public. Easier on everyone. LOL