After Marriage Arthritis

Mrs. Snark: "Dear, I have washed and folded a basket of laundry. Please put it away when you have a chance."

Mr. Snark: "I'll get right on that."

Three weeks later:

Mrs. Snark: "Mr. John LazyBones Snark! It's been three weeks and you still haven't put away that basket of laundry! I've added fresh clean laundry to it every day since I first asked. Now it is stacked to the ceiling and teetering at a crazy angle!"

Mr. Snark: "I'll get right on that."

Does this exchange sound familiar?  What many newlywed wives are just realizing, and old married ladies have known for years, is that this male behavior is indicative of a much greater ailment.

What is After Marriage Arthritis?

After Marriage Arthritis (AMA) is defined as a man's inability to perform a task--simple or complex--that his wife has requested be completed. While most often associated with married adult men, a similar strain of this condition has been known to affect bachelors and young males. During the courtship period, the man may hide or disguise his condition from his sweetheart by being extra helpful. The term "lazy" was once loosely used to imply the same disorder. 

How common is it?

After Marriage Arthritis is extremely common.  According to the Maryland Institute of Male Behavioral Studies, AMA is the most common ailment known to afflict married men. Comprehensive clinical trials designed to measure male noncompliance to female requests have revealed that AMA affects vast segments of the population. In fact, an estimated 99% of married men suffer from some degree of After Marriage Arthritis (classified as mild, moderate or severe).

What is mild vs. severe?

The mild AMA dysfunction typically occurs when a man is able to follow simple instructions, which results in the assigned task achieving some measurable degree of completeness. Severe dysfunction is where a husband cannot accomplish a task at all.  The actual severity of the condition may be considered a subjective problem. Some wives may be willing to accept a lower level of compliance than others.

After Marriage Arthritis Causes: Psychological/Physical

Psychological factors account for about 99.99% of AMA problems and often result from lethargy, laziness or simple unwillingness. These factors may result in sinks full of unwashed dishes and a variety of household chores going unperformed.

Adverse Effects on Daily Life

A woman with a man affected by AMA may experience feelings of frustration and anger. Meanwhile, the man affected may experience secret feelings of smugness and accomplishment for having accomplished nothing. Personal relationships can be adversely affected if it is left untreated.

Importance of Proactively Treating After Marriage Arthritis

Unfortunately, there is no known cure for AMA at this time. Sometimes, nagging has been observed to act as a remedy. Other times, the suspension of coitus privileges has been demonstrated to temporarily alleviate the symptoms of AMA. A motivated penis makes for a more motivated husband.