Monday, May 20, 2013

Damned if you do...n't

Mr. Snark is a pack rat, a fact that annoys Mrs. Snark to no end.

Mrs. Snark likes to purge junk.

A few years ago, Mr. Snark got into trouble for hoarding out-of-date electronics. The man had a stack of ancient relics gathering dust in the garage, keeping company with his teenage porn collection (hidden in a decaying Sierra Nevada 12-pack box) and a CRT monitor weighing in at two hundred pounds. 

"Why? Why are we keeping all of this junk?" Mrs. Snark demanded, waving a 1970s Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition (featuring the first bikinis ever worn outside of France).

"This isn't junk! Everything here is a precious treasure. It all could be useful someday!" Mr. Snark snatched his magazine back. The box of porn then went onto the highest shelf in the garage where Mrs. Snark could not reach.

That was the man's solution to everything. When Mr. Snark's horrid toaster stopped working, Mrs. Snark threatened to toss it, so he stashed it in the cabinets above the refrigerator in an attempt to delay the inevitable.

The toaster got thrown away when we moved in together.

To the best of my knowledge, the porn is still out there somewhere.

Anyway, back to our story...

"Get rid of every old electronic box we're not currently using!" Mrs. Snark said, handing down the ultimatum. 

Strangely enough, Mr. Snark cooperated THAT ONE TIME.

Fast forward a few years...

Recently, Miss Bear located Grandma Snark's collection of original Disney movies on VHS. There are prizes such as The Little Mermaid and many others currently unavailable on DVD.

Miss Bear followed her mother around clutching that damn Little Mermaid tape for two solid days, unable to understand why she couldn't watch it.

"Watch!" Miss Bear sobbed, waving the VHS box about.

"Do we have a VHS player anymore?" Mrs. Snark asked.

"You made me get rid of all of them!" Mr. Snark said. "I TOLD YOU THEY WEREN'T JUNK!"


After six years together, the man FINALLY got the last word.

1 comment:

  1. You should be able to find it on DVD on eBay for pretty cheap though... just don't tell Mr. Snark.