Friday, May 24, 2013

A Bed of Roses

According to Wikipedia, a bed of roses is defined as: an English expression, which means an easy and peaceful life.

Let me tell you: it ain't so.

Finally having overcome her trauma associated with the events of May 10th, Mrs. Snark took Miss Bear out for another bike ride. 

Destination: grocery store.
Weather: not a cloud in the sky.

It seemed simple enough: ride to and from the grocery store with Miss Bear in tow in order to buy corn on the cob for dinner. Easy, right?

Alas, fate had other plans. Mrs. Snark performed a sharp right turn in a median and Miss Bear's trailer got caught on the raised concrete sides. The bike tipped over and Mrs. Snark landed amid a bunch of rose bushes.

Mrs. Snark's hand and leg were scraped up, and a fingertip punctured. Miss Bear was traumatized by the sudden stop but otherwise unharmed.

Mrs. Snark: 0
Rose Bushes: Won

Blood poured from several points on Mrs. Snark, which set Miss Bear to sobbing. "Ow! Owie!"

The Middle Son pulled the bike off of his mother and otherwise performed triage. Mrs. Snark limped into Safeway, still bleeding, and a nice employee provided her with a bandage to stop the bleeding finger.  Miss Bear said "Boo-Hoo-Hoo!" because she really wanted that Band Aid for herself. 

You haven't experienced guilt until you've denied a toddler a Band Aid.

Once home, Mrs. Snark declared: "My hand hurts so I don't want to submerge it in water. All men report to the kitchen to assist with dinner prep!"

Man, you've never heard so much complaining.

Snark boys were shocked to discover that corn comes packaged in husks, which must be removed before it becomes edible! GASP.

Envision Mr. Snark holding a raw chicken breast in one hand and pair of meat scissors in the other, face contorted in an expression of disgust. You've never heard a man whine so much. 

"This is disgusting!"
"Just cut away the parts that you wouldn't want to eat--tendons and veins."
"I don't want to eat anything that looks like this!"
"Stop being such a baby. This isn't rocket science."
"I don't know what I'm doing!"
"You have three degrees and you're telling me you can't clean raw meat?"
"I may never eat chicken again!"
"Yeah yeah. That was only the first breast; you've got four more to go."

I'm thinking of buying a Michelin Man suit before I go biking again...


  1. Oh, I knew what this post was about by the title. Glad you can laugh about it today! Did Miss Bear get a Band Aid when she got home?

    1. Laughter would hurt if the muscles were in my butt... :D I've got bruises on my bruises.

      Yep, Miss Bear got her Band Aid plus one. (Dora the Explorer) *G*

  2. If you really want to get him, have him cook a lobster. Snicker...
    You crack me up Mrs. Snark!

    1. Mary,
      LOL, that would be something. Even I'm too squeamish to kill my own food. Mr. Snark would buy it a tank and we'd be stuck with a pet lobster. *G*

  3. Thank goodness the typing fingers were not hurt, or we wouldn't have gotten this delightful story. I love it that the Snark men had to step up to the stove. :)

    Barb Bettis

    1. Barb,
      Three of my typing fingers got stabbed. Right now my fingers on my right hand are just covered in Band Aids.

      Glad you liked the story. I ought to make them help more often. :)