New Release: The Child Thief by Melissa Snark

I'm super excited to announce the release of my new urban fantasy novella, THE CHILD THIEF, available from Amazon Kindle for 99 cents. THE CHILD THIEF will be the first in my series of Norse Werewolf novels. I hope to have a release date for the sequel, HUNGER MOON, soon. 

Blurb:

"Help me! Please. The child thief has stolen my son."

Valkyrie Victoria Storm has werewolf hunters hell bent on revenge trying to kill her. She can barely keep her own downtrodden pack alive, let alone respond to the pleas of a murdered mother. 

Can she set aside her differences and work with her sworn enemy to save a little boy from a Christmas nightmare?

Excerpt:

Their voices must have attracted the krampus's attention, because the devil returned on clomping hooves. Tail lashing, he paused to assess the situation and his attention centered upon Victoria's swinging cage. His red-rimmed eyes narrowed in clear annoyance. With mincing steps, he approached her and she smelled both doubt and desire on his skin.

Her eyes lit bright blue and she spoke with derision. "You're a coward," she said, sneering. "A child thief, preying on innocents. Come here and see if you can handle someone who's not afraid of you, goatboy."

The lovely, flute-like quality of the devil's voice surprised her. "Coward, I am not," he said. "It is my appointed task to punish wicked children. I am the son of the Goddess Hel, descended of Loki the Trickster."

The krampus reached for her cage and caught the sides. His hands were leathery, the backs covered in thick fur, those pointed nails clinked on the metal. He lowered his face to stare into her eyes. He had a dark aura, black at the center, tinted with dark red about the edges.

He whispered to her in that sweet falsetto. "My desire for sweet children; my usual feast. Your guilt, so delicious, beckons to me..."

Buy here

Author Spotlight: Niecey Roy

Niecey, please tell us about yourself and your writing.

I’m really just a bookworm turned writer. I started reading at a really young age and fell in love with the idea of putting my thoughts on paper for all of the world to see. It became a goal instead of a dream after I graduated high school. Live got in the way and I put it off until after my son was born. I enjoy reading everything, but I have only wanted to write romance. Right now, I’m writing contemporary romance, but my heart is in many places, and the stories brewing in my mind aren’t only contemporary. 

What inspired your current book?

I was in a fender bender where the insurance exchange didn’t lead to hot sex and a happily ever after. It really just ended up with me getting my front bumper smashed. And then not long after that happened, my car STARTED ON FIRE (electrical fire under the dash, that is). I put the car to rest and the story that had been unfolding in my mind became immortalized on paper. 

"Classic cars, garden gnomes, and steamy romance? My kind of book!"

~Bestselling Author Kate Perry

FENDER BENDER BLUES

Her life took a wrong turn. He's driven by success. They didn't count on crashing into love...

Blurb:

Rachel Bennett loved her job until the day she finds herself doubting her choices.  Now she's hunting for a new career, but starting over isn't easy.  Her plan is simple—no distractions until she finds her dream job.  She didn't plan on fate throwing her a curveball in the form of a fender bender with a sexy guy in an expensive suit.

Craig Larsen is a wealthy, successful business owner with a plan of his own: survive his current PR nightmare and stay away from his overly determined ex-girlfriend.  His need for control and personal success is turned upside down when he meets Rach, a sassy redhead who can't drive.

Soon they find themselves battling with Rach's grumpy old neighbor, toilet-papering the trees of a high school nemesis, and fighting over the last slice of pizza.  Can two very different people plus one fender bender equal a chance at forever?

Find Fender Bender Blues at:

Amazon paperback & Amazon ebook

The Wild Rose Press paperback

Visit Niecey!

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Feeling Lucky

SEX.

My comments have been in a slump lately so I'm trotting out the Big Tease, the one topic that's guaranteed to titillate my readers into tossing me a few token remarks.

SEX.

That's right, ladies.

SEX.

Mr. Snark and Mrs. Snark enjoy an unusual relationship, at least so far as relations between men and woman go. For the most part, we're honest with one another. And blunt, like the head of a penis.

When Mr. Snark wants to get laid, he owns a number of fancy boxer shorts, all of which Mrs. Snark has purchased for him.  Like a peacock tail, these boxers are his way of advertising that he is interested in playing hide the salami.

These are my personal favorite:

The "I'm Feeling Lucky" Boxers

I just love how the Joker card is over the crotch.

When the man is wearing these, I know that I can expect to enjoy at least a solid thirty minutes of shoulder rub and back massage. (The husband is amazingly transparent in his seduction techniques.)

Also, point in his favor, Mr. Snark is well-versed in the French arts. Sadly, he rushes to it. Invariably, Mrs. Snark winds up catching his chin as he breaks the kiss and rushes downward.

"Hold up, buddy. There are a lot of points between A and B. It's called foreplay. For Gawd's sake, I'm not a man!"

~*~

The boxers are available on Amazon.

Common Sense by Michelle Devon

(Here’s a story I wrote based on something that my son really did back in about 2006. I wrote it back then, but I’m not sure much has changed since then…lol Enjoy. Don’t laugh too hard at his expense!)
 
The grocery store had a good sale on some of those pre-prepared casserole dishes, like lasagna, and Mexican chicken casserole, and those types of things. They were three for 10 bucks. Really, you can’t beat that for a night when you don’t feel like cooking but still want something better than fast food. Plus, I figured it would be easy for the kiddo to make himself.

What was I thinking?

I mean, how many blogs have I posted about the brat boy nearly burning the kitchen down? Still, he’s almost fourteen (he’s seventeen now, almost eighteen!) and should be able to cook some things for himself, right? Plus, those pre-packaged meals have very easy to read and clear instructions on them, don’t they?

Don’t they?


Well, okay, so I figured I’d let him cook dinner last night, or at least, he could follow the instructions on the box and put dinner in the oven. I figured I’d do the veggies and such on the stove. Brat boy and I actually do like to cook together.

So he opens up the box and pulls out the tray and reads what to turn the oven on to pre-heat it. He then pulls the film off the top of the box, and then I go to the bathroom and come back and the food is in the oven.

Cool.

So about 1/2 an hour later, I come into the kitchen to see if it’s ready.

What do you think I find?

Well, he had taken the casserole, while frozen and had, as the instructions indicated, placed it on a cookie sheet.

The thing is...

...he didn’t put it on the cookie sheet in the tray.

That’s right. He turned the casserole upside down on the cookie sheet without the tray it comes in.
So while frozen, this was not a problem.

When it thawed and started cooking though, the once inch tall frozen casserole starts to, uhm, melt? over the edges of the very shallow cookie sheet, and drip all over the burners and the bottom of the oven.

Nice.

I asked, “Why did you take it out of the tray?”

His response: “The tray was plastic.”

“So?”

“Plastic melts in the oven.”

“Did you read the instructions like I said?”

“Yes.”

“Did it say to take it out of the tray?”

“Well, no, not exactly.”

“What exactly did it say?”

“To put it on a cookie sheet, and I did that.”

“Yes, son, you most certainly did.” Sigh.

So turn the oven off and clean up the mess, toss out that casserole, what little was left of it on the cookie sheet was close to burnt anyway, and ask the brat boy to get another one out of the freezer.
I say this time, “Just follow the instructions exactly, okay?”

“Okay,” he responds, “but if the plastic melts, it’s not my fault.”

(shaking head)

I do have to laugh though. Ryan and I were talking the other night about how this kiddo doesn’t have a lick of common sense, and how common sense is something that kids just have to learn over time (and some never do), and not really something you can teach them.

In one respect, my son showed good common sense in that he was thinking ahead that perhaps plastic would melt in the oven.

Good thinking, right? Okay, I’ll grant him that.

BUT…

That same ‘common sense’ never stopped to consider that a 1 inch tall frozen casserole on a shallow cookie sheet would end up expanding over the edges.

Ah, well.

Ya’ll have a fantastic day!
Love and stuff,
Michy

Today, my guest blogger is Michelle Devon, a terrific lady who has some hilarious stories on her website.  Her original article is posted here.