Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Male Pattern Blindness

Foreword by the author: Of all my posts, this is one of my first and also one of my favorites. I recently decided to go through my original humor post that don't have proper tags. If you've been with me since the beginning of the Snarkology, they you have probably seen this before. If not, I hope you enjoy it...

Mr. Snark: "I can't find the milk!"

Mrs. Snark: "There's a gallon jug behind the inch-high bottle of Tabasco sauce. Look straight ahead."

Mr. Snark: "Huh. Oh, yeah. I see it"

Mrs. Snark: "I don't see how you could have missed it."

Does this exchange sound familiar?  What many couples do not realize is that this male behavior is indicative of a much greater ailment known as Male Pattern Blindness.


What is Male Pattern Blindness?

Male Pattern Blindness (MPB) is defined as the inability to locate an object lying out in the open and in plain sight; objects which are often located easily by a woman.  While most often associated with adult men, Male Pattern Blindness is a common problem for males of all ages.  The term “oblivious” was once loosely used to imply the same condition.

How common is Male Pattern Blindness?

Male Pattern Blindness is extremely common.  Although most often seen in men over the age of eighteen, MPB can affect boys also.  According to the Massachusetts Male Perception Study, which was the most-comprehensive survey of male perception dysfunction, MPB affects vast segments of the population.  For example: 
  •  99.99% of all men between the ages of 18 and 120 have some degree of male pattern blindness (classified as mild, moderate or severe).
  • At least 1 in 10 men cannot perceive anything at all (complete MPB).
  • The majority of causes of male pattern blindness are mental in nature.
  • The prevalence of MPB increases with age.


Male Pattern Blindness Causes: Psychological/Physical

Psychological factors account for about 90% of MPB problems and often result from obtuseness, obliviousness, or dependence upon a woman's ability to find stuff. These factors cause a mental blinder to be erected between the eyeball and brain, thus resulting in perception difficulty. Psychological MPB may become self-perpetuating. This can become a vicious cycle which is difficult to break without assistance.

Physical factors account for about 10% of cases of MPB, and often result from near- or far-sightedness or blindness.   Research indicates that such vision problems are easily correctable following a trip to the eye doctor. 

Male Pattern Blindness' Adverse Effects on Daily Life

A man with MPB may experience feelings of low motivation, frustration, denial and dependence upon his mother or female partner. He may be unable to engage in daily tasks such as driving if he is unable to locate his car keys (or vehicle). Personal and business relationships can be adversely affected if it is left untreated.

Importance of Proactively Treating Male Pattern Blindness

As with any debilitating condition, Male Pattern Blindness should be treated immediately. The sooner it is recognized and addressed, the more likely the chances of a favorable outcome. If left untreated, the condition may worsen with time. The longer a man goes without the ability to function as a perceptive individual, the more likely his brain will experience "disuse atrophy".

To learn more about my writing, visit my website at www.MelissaSnark.com.


  1. I just giggle snorted reading this. Thank you for uplifting my Monday!

    1. Happy to help bring laughter to a Monday! :D

  2. Oh, too true! Thanks for the laughs -

  3. I was hoping you'd share how to proactively treat MPB. Would a 2x4 work or would that just get someone arrested? ;)

    1. Penny, alas, I've been trying to find a cure for the past several years but all attempts to fix my own males have failed. Abysmally. :-)

      I would not suggest the 2x4. It may be satisfying but it will probably create more problems than it fixes.